Gentleman

I would like to say a word about gentlemen. I often hear (and admit to participating in) conversations that lament the lack of gentlemen in the lives of women with whom I am associated. Many of us are looking for someone who will treat us like a lady, and find it difficult to find anyone who fits this general description. I wonder if unknowingly, we are causing the problem ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in favor of women's rights, and believe that women are as capable as men is most areas, however, I think that the movement may have gone too far. Perhaps the women feel that they should prove their capability by denying men the opportunity to do those things we deem gentlemanly in some situations. Lest I stand on my soapbox and give unsubstantiated advice, I'd like to offer an example. I was recently at a gathering as some set-up was taking place. A woman had a stack of chairs that she was carrying from one place to another. As she passed a man standing near me, I heard him offer to take them from her and put them wherever she needed them. She flat out refused him, hardly slowed her step, and brushed past the group he was standing with, then the group I was standing with on her way to her destination. He stated, somewhat dejectedly, "that's why chivalry is dead." I agree with him. Our words say we want one thing, and our thoughtless actions say something completely different. I don't think that this woman realized the effect her actions had on this man, and on any other that she may have treated this way.

In this world, we hold many double standards, and I'd wager this encounter illustrates one. We want gentlemen, but we refuse to allow them to be such in all situations. Were this woman on a date with the man, she would probably call him un-gentlemanly if he did not open the door for her, and pay for the night's activities, yet when he tried to do something equally chivalrous in a platonic situation, she flatly refused him. If we do not allow our friends to practice chivalry in these situations, how can we expect them to know which situations require chivalry. Do we really want someone who is only on their best behaviour when we're out with them?

Personally, I want someone who treats not only me, but the other women in his life as I want to be treated-with respect, and as a lady. If he's willing to treat everyone well, I feel secure knowing that I will always be treated well.

All that being said, I know there are gentleman out there. The man at the activity is an example. So if you're complaining about not having anyone proper to date, ask yourself if you have ever done what the girl in my example did. If the answer is yes (and I think I'm probably guilty of it myself sometimes), change your behavior and encourage those who are already gentleman to continue as such. Guys, we really do want gentlemen, we just don't always recognize the message our behavior is sending, so keep offering. We can't blame it all on the guys, girls!