More Moments of Decision

Wednesday night was my last Institute class for the semester. We talked about the last week of Christ's life. There was an interesting discussion about decisions that made me think. Interesting how we know things, but hearing them at certain times makes them more poignant. There are some decisions that only need to be made once, and others that we make over and over again...what university to attend is usually a "once" decision. Even if it is made more than once, there's usually a finite limit. What I'm having for breakfast is a decision that gets made every day (not as important a decision as school, but still a decision). Some of the more interesting decisions are the ones we wish we could make once, but we usually make over and over. One such decision (in my mind) is my life outlook. I learned at BYU that happiness is a decision. I may have known before I attended, but it was explained once there in a way that I really understood. I made a decision to be happy. I wish that were a decision I could make once and never have to think about again.

It's not!

I don't remember exact circumstances, but I think the decision lasted about a week or so-then something happened. Again, I don't remember what. My reaction was un-happy. I remembered my decision to be happy, and made it again. This time it lasted for about 10 seconds. I made the decision again, and it lasted a little longer. Each time the thing that made me un-happy came to mind, I pushed it out with a decision to be happy. It seemed to get a little easier each time, and yet I wondered (and still wonder when I'm in the situation again) if this was really being happy, or if it was something else. I don't remember how long it took, but things went back to normal, and my decision to be happy was easy again-I no longer had to think about it. As time has passed, things have continued to happen to make me un-happy. I made the decision to be happy several years ago, but have to stick with it over and over again. It is not a decision I regret, though sometimes it is a trying one. Looking at others I sometimes wonder what the harm would be in wallowing in my unhappiness-but I realize that those people are usually un-happy for most of their lives. What's the point of being miserable all the time? It takes too much energy!

I think I've digressed. The point I wanted to make when I started was that I think many of us make good decisions ("I'm going to be happy") and expect them to be easy (i.e. we'll only have to make them once, and magically they become our nature). Many of these good decisions go against human nature (in its most raw form, at least), but paradoxically make us happier for the struggle. We are more grateful for things we have to work for because we appreciate the cost.